I'm number 3

My name was reduced to a number. I'm called 3 instead of my name. There was 23 candidates at the camp. All of them had names but was called by their number. Our vest held our respective numbers.

Afterthoughts... I have two main struggles for this selection camp, during and after.

During the camp, there was the peer appraisal process that seems like "backstabbing". There were interviews and paper exercise where you will indicate who are suitable to become an OBS instructor. The difficult part is answering the question of who isn't and the reason for that. My answers will kill the opportunity for the other candidate who is trying hard to get the job and increases mine. Due to the nature of the selection process, it seems very much like backstabbing and each time I had a lot of difficulties in sharing the incidences that deems one unsuitable. I take long pauses and it stresses me quite a bit.

After the camp, recalling the process, I realised that my sense of humblessness and humility were eroded. Under the system where you have to show that you want the job and that you are better suited for the job than the rest forces you to say things like "I'm number 1" and to prove in words and actions that you are better in various areas than the rest so as to stand a chance in getting the job.

Is this a positive or negative experience? Want to come out of all these thoughts as a better person. There is so much that I need to better myself to be a role model for my children.

Where did Jellies went to?